6:31 a.m. - 2007-03-22
Musings on death and dying.

Walking alone, down the road of life,
I am shouted at, hailed from afar.
Commanded to hault.
And, reluctantly, I obey.

Who called my name?
Confronted me so blatantly?
Who indeed,
But death�

Death and her sister grief walk
Hand in hand toward me,
What they want I cannot know
And yet I must seek that knowledge.

Death grabs me by the back of the neck.
Holds me in a strangle hold.
Won�t let me go,
And I am suffocating with the knowledge of passing.

Grief sits, a comfortable shadow,
Death�s companion.
Waiting like a carion eater
For my emotions left behind.

She waits to consume all happiness,
All presence of goodness,
All good things in the world.
And in the end, we are only left with memories�

Memories that chill us to the bone.
Memories that make us ache with longing,
That leave us wondering.
For those left behind can never really know how, or why�

What do you say when you must confront the dying? When you know that nothing you can do will stop that dying? When you know that it's always the good, the teachers who pass quickly before us and then just as quickly away... Time is a precious commodity. Quick to come, yet quicker to leave. 0 comments so far

12:10 a.m. - 2007-03-03
Hockey and life in general...
I haven't written in a while and this has been for several reasons. For one thing, I've been sick. For another, I didn't want to delve to deeply into the thing that is me. Anyway, here I go.

For those that don't know, I'm a gay guy who practices BDSM. I have a Master who loves me very much and I am very happy in my relationship. Now, before anyone starts saying I'm ill, etc, let me assure you that it's all consensual. I'm here because I want to be. He's in this because he wants to be. I can leave at any time. But, would you leave if you were living with the one you loved most in the world and you had almost everything you've ever wanted in the relationship department? Nope. Probably not. Oh, did I mention we are polyamorous? I live with a group of gay men, but my Master who I have mentioned previously is my primary partner. On to other things...

I've been sick, very sick. I'm getting better now, but it's taking it's sweet time to leave, whatever it is.

It started about two weeks ago and hasn't gone since. Damned annoying.

Went to my pain doc on Monday. Appointment went better than expected. He altered my medication regimen a bit which has left me feeling sleepy, on top of feeling lousy from being ill.

My beloved Canadiens lost again. Guy Carbonneau, who is a personal friend of mine, by the way, is doing a good job. The team has heart... So, what's wrong? Not enough big guns I think...

Ott 1 comments so far

9:53 p.m. - 2007-02-12
The Saga of L...
Ok, out of respect for people, both on the internet and off, I will not be using whole first names without the permission of the name holder and I will not use last names at all. I made the mistake of using first names once and I will *never* do that again. That said...

There is this person... I shall call her L for lack of anything else to call her. What I'd like to call her isn't exactly nice internet language, or nice language at all for that matter. She is someone I've know for quite a while now. I wouldn't call her a friend. I wouldn't call her an enemy. She can be enormously good fun, have a wonderful sense of humor and be overall good company. Notice I said, *CAN*. This means that most of the time, she is none of these. She is quarrelsome, annoying,spiteful and hurtful. Even with all that, I still associate with her. What does that say about me? I must be messed up in the head if I'm still associating with her. More often than not after we talk, I leave feeling irritated, hurt or just plain angry.

Now I know what everyone will say. 'If she makes you feel this way, don't talk to her.' but that's easier said than done. Any of you felt that when the phone rings, you *HAVE* to answer it? You can't just let it lie there and ring. Oh no! This will never do! If you don't know who's calling and what they want, the earth will crumble around you and... Ok, I do go to extremes, but you get the idea. That's how I am about her. Believe me, it's not out of like either. As I said... I'm gay. Very happily gay. I have a wonderful partner and I'm not looking for a change, thank you very much.

I don't know why this is... I really don't. It used to not be as bad, but, lately, she's taken to calling me right back if I don't answer and emailing me several times if I don't respond as quick as she would like.She also has taken to guilt tripping me into responding when I am busy with other things. She uses this 'I'm so lonely and I know you're so busy' ploy that makes me feel bad then of course, like an idiot, I respond. This is really, quite frustrating.

It seems that this whole thing is getting worse. We both play a game together, I was stupid enough to introduce her to it. Why I did this I'll still never know. We've both been playing together for a year, although I played by myself for two years prior... I foudn some other neat games too and like a stupid fool, I told her about them. She of course, went and signed up right away. She's on a beat Ott at everything campaign and this means that whatever I do, she has to do better. Like that old song from the musical... You know the one?

Ok, so then she calls me up and asks me a question. It could be about any one of the three games, it could be about her computer or something totally different. She calls up and asks. Sometimes, I want to talk and I answer and we have a discussion. More often than not though, I feel put upon and irritated at being disturbed. Then, if I happen to not give her an answer she likes, she'll harass me till I give her the one she wants to hear.

She is a spiteful, malicious, vicious bitch and I wish with all my heart that I could stand up to her.

Sometimes, she emails me things that have to do with stuff that happened years ago. Sometimes, she takes her anger/frustration out on me because I didn't give her what she wanted, or she was just having a bad day. I hate that. Am I afraid of her? Not of her. NO! Definitely not! Of what, then? Of making people mad at me. Of displeasing someone else. DINGDINGDINGDING! That's it!

My Nana, (Grandma), says I should stand up to her. Last night, I kind of did. She asked me a question and I answered truthfully. It wasn't the answer she wanted to hear so she asked again and again, I answered. She didn't like it any better that time. So then she changed the question... I remarked upon the change and she said that she changed the question because I didn't give her the answer she wanted. I said, "This isn't L gets the answer L wants to hear night. It's L gets the answer to the question...". She didn't like that either. I'm so sick of her!!! 0 comments so far

10:41 a.m. - 2007-02-11
Sharing...
I spent the morning sleeping late and, after waking, sharing some of our culture and history with some who are not Inuit. I got out some of my art, we sang some Inuit songs and generally had fun. They ask me to demonstrate the art of throat singing, which I endeavoured to do to the best of my abilities. Not great, but still... 0 comments so far

12:37 a.m. - 2007-02-11
Testing again...
Cautious 0 comments so far

7:45 p.m. - 2007-02-09
A Journey
Although some Inuit live like everybody else. I am not, nor do I wish to be, like everyone else.

I am twenty six, gay, live in a traditional Inuit village in a tribe with rigid social structure... And... I love it.

This blog will contain my thoughts and fears, my views on Inuit culture, politics and the environment. My life is a bit normal, a bit strange and a whole lot of fun.

Come with me on a journey. A journey of passion, sadness, joy, and sorrow... A journey of life as an Inuit. 0 comments so far

7:41 p.m. - 2007-02-09
Testing... 1... 2... 3...
Testing 1 comments so far

�

previous - next

�